damn.. it's been 2 years.. seriously.. 2 years ago when i first had that feelings. but of course, knowing me, or what i always go through, that can never work out, so i tried, HARD, to push it away. hell, it wasn't easy, i promise u. but, at least it worked. i managed to forget about it -- until now.

when i was back to the surroundings i once familiar with, i guess all these flashbacks, or maybe just a need to feel comfortable in my own skin, made all those feelings returned. and it may be even worse now since i know that i've come to the state where i do things that i shouldn't be doing, and there's nothing that can take it back. too late for that. :( i don't know why, don't ask me for reasons, as i shall give u the typical answer that's programmed in every human's brain. hmm.. i guess that maybe somewhere in my heart, i still keep the hope burning, and live in denial for these 2 years, like i always do. or i'm just plain stupid. sigh.

i'm hopeless when it comes to making decisions, and when that decision has something to do with the heart, that could be even harder. ahhh... why do i always do this? shit.