a computer engineering graduate in denial. ♪♪♪
in love with Mizushima Hiro. (still couldn't accept the fact that he's married. *cries*) ♪♪♪
loves anything that has to do with fashion, but hates that she doesn't have enough money
to own EVERY latest fashion, or a sewing talent for that matter. ♪♪♪
sometimes wonders why men are the way they are. :p ♪♪♪
wished she could give those skinny-but-always-think-they're-fat Japanese girls a bitch slap. ♪♪♪
loves all her close buddies to bits. ♪♪♪
an ordinary girl who wants to be extraordinary. And, a beautiful one too. ;)
I'm no devil; but don't mistake me as an angel. :D
If you think you know me, err.. just think again. I'm imperfect and I'm Lovin' It.
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
in life, certain events come so rarely that when they do, special attention must be paid. and that's like halley's comet, solar eclipses, getting that 2nd latte for free, and one night at a salsa club. and single girlfriends might all found themselves without a relationship to chat at the exact same time.
so here's to us, without men.
"enjoy knowing men but not expecting them to fill u up". so i've heard.
being single is fabulous to some women. i have to agree. no pain in the ass. no burden to carry. no emotionally abused. n obviously no more need to spend thousands of dollars for them who proves that they r not worth it -- u can just spend all of it for urself from now on.
and, i can bring my single and fabulous ass home any time i want! *grins*
a glamorous city, say, NY offers a sea of single n fabulous things for the fabulous n singles to do. being single n fabulous also freeze-up on weekends. saturday usually spent browsing with him, r left to more practical things like power walking with ur single n fabulous girlfriends.
single was fun at 20. but will it still be fun going all night club hopping at 40? well, i think it depends.. if they r just dressing like old sluts prolly waiting for a heart-attack but pretended to be 20, then fuck them. exclamation point.
but are singles filling their lives with an endless parade of decoys n distractions to avoid the pains n facts that they r completely alone?
suddenly the tot of how people would fake anything (esp. in orgasm, so some of the westerns had said), came across my mind.
while women r certainly no strangers to faking it, we fake our hair color, cup size, hell we even fake fur. i cudn't help but wonder has fear of being alone suddenly raised the bar on faking? are we faking more than orgasms? are we faking entire relationships? is it better to "fake it" than be alone?
like, if u n ur bf are compatible, except for one thing -- he likes u thin n blonde, wud u go for it? even the fact is, that u hate it? bcoz u don't wanna be alone?
or how about when u think ur wife's an idiot. n every day with her is like a trip to that idiot island? i'm sure certain guys won't tell that to the woman they love (well, IF u say u love her), coz u r pretty sure she'll leave u. (but still, some guys will use that against us when he's the one who wanna leave, don't u think?)
as i walked home, i cudn't help but wonder, when did being alone become the modern-day equivalent of being a leper? will restaurants soon be divided up into sections -- smoking/non-smoking, single/non-single?
then i had a frightening thought. maybe i was the one who's faking it. all of these years, faking to myself that i was happy being single. i decided i wasn't gonna let a magazine or my frens or the sergeant general stop me for being who i was. single n fabulous, exclamation point!
at another moment, a fren of mine was waiting for her date at her favourite romantic restaurant. at 1st she thought she had the wrong time. but when he still wasnt there 20 mins later, she called her machine -- no msgs.
she hadn't expect to be caught up in public alone -- without a book, a project or any of her dining out alone armor. she had nothing to do but sit n wait for him. by now, she knew that he was never going to show up. he was one of those man who fake the future to get what he wanted in the present. she felt exposed, vulnerable, like a fool.
sometimes we just can't believe that we'd fell for some guy's lie. but then, soon we'll realize, no matter how much it hurts, sometimes it's better to be alone. than "fake it".
i looked at myself in the mirror. what had i been so afraid of all week? i was still young, still desirable, i wud never wind up alone. so i decided, instead of running away from the idea of a life alone, i better sit down n take that fear to lunch. so, i sat there. n had a glass of sparkling water. alone -- no books, no men, no frens, no armor, no faking.
